Suzanna

Wanna Zochz?

Greetings earthlings. I come in peas. Peas coated in a creamy sauce that has 99% butter in it. Not to mention that earthy hint of basil. You could ask for the freshly baked bread to go with it, but I suggest you stick to this in all its purity. I was sent from the planet Zochz, where the only thing that zochz us is food. So if like your peas coated in cream, please switch off your mobile phones tonight at 3 am. You will get a text message from the planet Zochz that will give you the exact co-ordinates of Zochz. Please jot these co-ordinates down on a paper napkin (that you carry home from here), and then the next time you come back here for a meal, please feel free to stand in the pool there and hold the napkin way up over your head and into the sky. You will then see a beam (lined with peas) coming straight down towards you. Press the pea that says ‘Up’, and you will be taken up to the planet Zochz. Sadly, I am not able to reveal myself to you, I have taken on the guise of this wooden desk, else I could’ve demonstrated the entire procedure to you. The part where you press the ‘Up’ pea is crucial. Pressing any other pea could just squash the entire beam, and you would be left standing in a pool coated with pea mush. Trust you will do as advised. See you on Zochz.

(On the reception desk at Café Fresco’s)